Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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