you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
