You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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