youre lurking in front of me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
