Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
