so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
