Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
