my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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