I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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