sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
