The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
