my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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