i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
