Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
