i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
