in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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