Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
