Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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