bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
