***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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