She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
