evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
