I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
