I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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