I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
