That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
