At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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