I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
