It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
