I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
