Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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