we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
