Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
