I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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