Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
