i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
