his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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