whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
