Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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