last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you had me at cake vodka
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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