my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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