I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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