you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
