genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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