fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
