I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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