Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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