dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you never un-have a 4some
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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