Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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