he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
