bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
