He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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