quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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