i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have feelings that need drinking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
