So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
