Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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