there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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