I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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