I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we're so committed to being not committed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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