Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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