I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
