just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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