My girlfriend figured out who you are.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
