apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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