so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
