i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Houston, we have a blender
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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