dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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