booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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