I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
