Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
