God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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