96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
