Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize