I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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