Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
