There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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