i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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