He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
