her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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