No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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