Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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