i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
