Already got asked if we're dating
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
