help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
