The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
