Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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