the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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