I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
