96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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