They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
