Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize