he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
