Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
