What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
