He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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