Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
