My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
