i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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