Barsexuality is the new black.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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