North Korea, Best Korea!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
