is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
