Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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