New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
