She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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