It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
